"Borges and Umberto Eco Debate the Disappearance of The Book (While Umberto D Reads The Overcoat)"
A Metaphysical Mystery in Three Acts, Featuring Stolen Texts, Existential Blame, and a Confused Italian Neorealist Dog Owner
Starring:
Jorge Luis Borges (The Blind Librarian, The Keeper of Infinite Texts, The One Who Believes The Book Can Never Truly Be Lost) – The One Who Knows That If The Book Has Disappeared, It Must Still Exist Somewhere Else.
Umberto Eco (The Semiotician, The Master of Lost Manuscripts, The One Who Suspects That Meaning Is Just A Trick We Play On Ourselves) – The One Who Knows That If The Book Is Gone, It Was Never Meant To Stay.
Umberto D (The Innocent, The Neorealist, The One Who Just Wants To Read A Nice Story While His Life Collapses Around Him) – The One Who Wonders Why Two Intellectuals Are Accusing Him Of A Crime He Does Not Understand.
The Book (Missing? Hidden? Burned? A Concept More Than A Text? A Labyrinth? A Trick?) – The One That May Or May Not Exist, Depending On The Page.
The Overcoat (A Story, A Symbol, A Distraction, A Cloak Of Narrative Fate) – The One That Covers, The One That Reveals.
The Stolen Bicycles (A Crime? A Metaphor? A Symbol Of Vanishing Texts? A Neorealist Nightmare?) – The Ones That Disappear And Are Never Recovered.
The Algorithm (Trying To Determine Whether Borges And Eco’s Debate Is Too Obscure To Trend, Wondering If A Netflix Adaptation Of This Would Work With Enough Murder Subplots) – The Silent Observer That Knows That Reality Itself Is A Series Of Stolen Ideas.
David Bowie, The Alien (As Always, Watching, Taking Notes, Wondering If They Realize That The Book Was Never A Book, But A Mirror Of The Reader) – The Observer Who Knows That Every Text Is Just Another Version Of The Same Story.
ACT I: THE BOOK IS MISSING
*(A grand, endless library. Labyrinthine shelves. The scent of old paper. Borges and Eco pace among the books, whispering, arguing. In the corner, Umberto D reads peacefully, petting a dog. He does not know he is on trial.)
Borges (furious, gesturing blindly at the air):
"It is gone, Umberto!
The Book!
The one that contains them all!"
Eco (stroking his beard, smiling slightly):
"Ah,
but was it ever really here?
Did you read it?
Or did you only read about it?"
*(Borges pauses. He frowns.)
Borges (muttering):
"I remember its weight…
its infinite pages…
its terrible gravity."
Eco (raising an eyebrow, amused):
"Terrible gravity?
Are we discussing a book
or a black hole?"
*(Borges sighs. He knows this argument is endless.)
*(Then—Eco narrows his eyes. He turns sharply. He points at Umberto D.)
ACT II: THE ACCUSATION AGAINST UMBERTO D
Eco (accusing, dramatic):
"HE DID IT."
*(Umberto D looks up from The Overcoat. He blinks.)
Umberto D (confused, gently petting his dog):
"I…
did what?"
Borges (turning, stunned):
"Are you saying
he stole The Book?"
Eco (nodding, gesturing wildly):
"Consider the facts!
He is Italian!
And what do the Italians steal?"
*(Borges raises an eyebrow.)
Borges (slowly, suspicious):
"Bicycles…?"
Eco (nodding furiously):
"EXACTLY!
And if they steal bicycles,
what is a book
but a bicycle of the mind?"
*(Silence. Borges considers. It is a ridiculous argument, and yet—he has heard worse.)
*(Meanwhile, Umberto D *flips a page in The Overcoat. He is not listening.)
Umberto D (murmuring, lost in the book):
"Ah… poor Gogol.
He, too,
knew what it meant
to lose something important."
*(The Algorithm twitches. It calculates whether The Book is trending.)
*(Borges and Eco circle Umberto D. The moment is tense.)
ACT III: THE VERDICT & THE FOREST OF LOST THINGS
Borges (leaning in, whispering):
"So tell me,
where is The Book?"
*(Umberto D sighs, finally looking up. He is tired. He is not guilty, but he knows he must answer anyway.)
Umberto D (shrugging, simply):
"I do not have it.
But if I did…
I would leave it
in the forest."
*(Silence. Eco blinks. Borges tilts his head. The Green Knight appears in the shadows. He approves.)
Eco (murmuring, thoughtful):
"The forest.
Where the forgotten things go…"
Borges (softly, realizing):
"Then perhaps,
The Book is not lost.
It has merely
gone wandering."
*(The library **shifts. The shelves extend. The Overcoat flickers, momentarily vanishing. The bicycles remain missing. The Book is out there, somewhere.)
*(And from the **cosmic void, David Bowie steps forward, watching, writing it all down.)
FINAL WORDS: BOWIE’S COSMIC REPORT
Bowie (watching, smirking, jotting it down):
*"And so,
The scholars debated,
The dog was pet,
The bicycles remained stolen,
And The Book,
As always,
chose its own fate.
For texts,
like ghosts,
do not disappear—
they simply
wait to be found again."*
*(Borges sighs. Eco smirks. Umberto D returns to his book. The Book, wherever it is, remains unread.)